whoever invented bilingual layouts are bitches

Bilingual layouts are pain in the ass. and it is even worse when you have to put two very different language together side by side. eg: Chinese English. Fuck it.

but I have to say the japs are quite good in bilingual layouts. the japs are good in everything. and I always feel kind of sad that the East Asian typography world belongs to them. I mean, afterall mincho was based on the songti they bought from shanghai back in the 20s. and the typographic aesthetics are based on calligraphy which has roots back to as far as tang dynasty or something.

If only civil war didnt happen and there was no WWII and communism didnt exist.

 

Can’t you hear that boom, boom-badoom boom, boom badoom-boom Yeah that’s the super bass

Right now I am putting myself in this dangerous situation. I am working full-time, doing freelance AND doing manga hell AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME. WOHOO! CALL ME WONDERWOMAN CALL ME FUCKING WONDERWMAN. FUCK.

The worst part is not the lack of sleep or lack of social life. Who needs them anyway.

The worst part, is the dangerously low self-esteem during manga hell. Is called manga hell for a reason. I don’t know the reason for it, but every time I start the manga drawing process, my confidence level just drop to  -1000000000000000000 and all the negative thoughts start to party in my head. and this interfere with my daily life i.e. work. Like I can hear my boss and my colleagues judging me. Not that they are really judging me. But my brain interprets every single sentence that comes out from their mouth as some mean criticism. Even if it is just “pass me the chips please”. Oh god. then you know how difficult is it for me to work.

And it doesn’t help when I start to read depressing stuff. What is wrong with me. I just finished this manga called 晚安布布 and is so damn freaking depressing. Don’t be fooled by that cute name or the cute-bird protagonist. Is depressing. Is fucking depressing. Is all about suicide and cults and murder and rape and child abuse and all other depressing shit. Well I did heed choo’s advice and read some cheesy korean comics after that to neutralise the effect.

Then I went to watch this movie called Made in Hong Kong yesterday night. Well I bought the tickets like one month ago. It was a special screening with some pre-screening talk from the director. The movie was made 20 years ago in 1997. Now we all know what the movie is about. It was a super low budget film because nobody wanted to fund some weird indie movie that deal with political topics. It was 1997 yo. when cheesy comedies and gambling movies are the 皇道.  The director had to use expired left over films to make his movie. With unknown actors. It was not well received locally. But like all other legends of the underdogs, it eventually got critical reception overseas. Apparently everyone from Japan Taiwan Korea and China loved it. And the Italians loved it too. Everyone but the locals. Maybe this movie was screened too early in Hong Kong. We were all too hedonistic back then.  But twenty years later this movie becomes more relevant than ever.  I so wanted to cry at the end of it. Even if you strip the film out of the political context it is still very sad. You can view it as a coming of age movie. Just that all the characters didn’t have good endings. They all died. And that is not the saddest. the saddest part is that death is the happiest ending for them. Death is a vaccine for them against the uncertain bleak future. They remain young and fearless forever.

WTF man. wtf.

DIRECTOR WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

AND WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME WATCHING SUCH SAD MOVIE DURING MANGA HELL.

Anyway i am now 3/18. I want to make it 4/18 but now I need to work on my freelance. Fuck me.

I shall listen to some Nicki Minaj to get myself higher than a motherfucker to get through stuff. And perhaps watch the live action gintama again before I sleep even though I have already watch twice and is like only 10 mins. I am super impressed by oguri shun. I am sorry Oguri Shun for hating you when I am 17. You are the best.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Watashi!

You know something is very wrong when is 4a.m in the morning and you are getting high over Suzumiya Haruhi. Oh the nostalgia.

When I can finish the layout.

132 pages in 5 hours

Still have 68 more to go

and what if they reject again

heck. lets wait until they have no time to reject anything

tactics to survive work.

All I knew was the fireworks back then.

Today is Fathers’ day. Or ok 44 minutes ago it was Fathers’ Day. Anyways.

P.C. was in a good mood until he received a call. And for the rest of the night he zoned out. You can tell his soul was somewhere else during the entire dinner. It was captured in that rare family wefie. On the way home, he said, “I am sad.” And I didn’t know what can I say or what can I do.

His bestie passed away.

His bestie since secondary school.

A week ago he was still so excited for the bestie’s daughter wedding dinner that he made sure all of us have to clear out our schedule to attend. When I was still a kid, before we moved to Singapore, his gang of besties made a pack to have reunion dinner every 初二. The reunion will start off with a all-bros mahjong session. Then the kids and wives will arrive for dinner at around 7-8. After that, everyone will go to Victoria Harbour for fireworks. That tradition stopped when everyone migrated by 1997. To be honest, I couldn’t remember how the newly wed daughter looks like. Neither could I remember how is bestie look like. But I am pretty sure P.C. remembered it all. And the wedding dinner would be a nostalgic 20 years-after get together. One which all the kids grew up happily. One which all friends are wrinkled and bald, but still healthy and great. And they would catch up with one another, bringing up old stories and laughed at each other.

Unfortunately that is not going to happen.

According to what I know, the bestie attended the same class as him in lower secondary. Through him, P.C. met his siblings and his other friends. Kids of that age get along fast. His bestie lived in Causeway Bay, before it become some shopping tourist district. And P.C. lived in Aberdeen Road, way before hipster PMQ and art galleries appear. My guess is that they take the Ding ding to get to each other’s house to play. The bestie’s mum knew P.C. well. We visited her every new year before she passed away. I wondered if his bestie helped him fight Donald Tsang, the ex-chief executive. According to P.C., he lived around the area too and they used to fight a lot. I am suspicious of  this story but it seemed to have some basis. I mean, PMQ used to be a police headquarters and Donald Tsang’s dad was a police officer. Whatever is it, Donald is in jail now for a crime which I think is too minor and it seemed more like a political decision.

I also wonder if P.C. studied O’levels with him together. Did they moan and cry for all the stupid tests and curse the teachers? Did they celebrated together when they got into universities? Did P.C invited him to play mahjong with his uni mates? Did P.C asked him for advice when he wooed Annie? Or did they have double dates? But i am pretty sure bestie was one of P.C 兄弟. And I guess P.C was also one of his 兄弟. How did they felt when they become Dads? Did they compare their kids? Did they do the “let my son marry your daughter” kind of shit? What was their thoughts when they all left Hong Kong? Do they still think about each other when they don’t seem to ever meet? And there was no whatsapp then. Do they call to keep in touch?

I just realised there are so many things I don’t know about P.C. and I have spent so little time with him when I grew up. And unlike Annie who tells me stuff about her youthful adventures, P.C. doesn’t say anything.

And today, he told me he is sad.

The person who grew up with him, accompanied him through all kinds of shit and embarrassment, is gone. Just like his childhood home. The TV stations he watched. The stalls he shopped. The technologies he used. The world he knew. All slipping away slowly. These days I felt like P.C. is not catching up with the society. The other day he was yelling about VR and gaming sports. He said those are ridiculous and bad. But he doesn’t understand. And I am coming to the conclusion that P.C., is ageing. Growing old. He is an elderly. In like a few years time he can used the elderly concession. As frustrated as I am with his stubbornness, it hurts me to see him getting more and more confused with the world. Some people can take their confusion quite well. Like, they don’t mind not understanding and they will take the effort to learn. P.C. is not like that. He is not happy that he is confused. He doesn’t want to be left behind and he doesn’t want to admit that he is lost. And his is using up all his energy to figure out all by himself what is going on.

I don’t know what can I do. And I know I am not the perfect daughter. Like, I am not even having a boyfriend. And I am underpaid. (well, the entire industry is underpaid) I understand that as parents you want your kids to have a happy, safe and normal life. And clearly I am walking the route that is not so safe. But is my life. And, though P.C. nags, but he hasn’t stop me from anything. Which makes me feel guilty even more.

I never knew I would think about things like these.

 

 

Live the moment

I didn’t make my yearly it’s-my-birthday-let’s-do-some-reflection post. Because reflections have become the door to overthinking and actions speak louder than words.

in other words, I am too lazy.