That is a farewell.

I have come to the conclusion that I can’t be friends with watercolour. Sorry Watercolour. We are just not meant for each other. You are a wonderful girl. Very elegant and demure. But I just can’t handle your sensitivity. I can never speak my mind with you. I just cannot get the colours I want or even draw in the shadow areas correctly. That make me impatient as hell. And I can’t stop half way to scroll through instagram because you just don’t allow me to.

I guess that is a fun two weeks. Ok maybe not. But at least I know that now. That I can’t be the next Little Thunder or something.

So I shall go back to my reliable photoshop. Yar she is not sexy at all. But she is practical as shit which allows me to undo. Undo is important for noobs like me.

And I shall listen to more cardcaptor openings to make myself feel better.

 

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The anime that taught me the concept of homosexuality.

I am 20+7 years old, but here I am, feeling gleeful over a hug between two sec 1 kids. Yes I agree with you dad, just a while ago Sakura was wearing primary school uniform. Now she is wearing secondary school uniform. You have grown up Sakura, you have grown up. And I am feeling all nostalgic.

 

Omg that dress. That dress people. I hate to admit but Clamp is REALLY good with fancy stuff like this. I bought the manga the other day and it took me a while to get used to the delicate clothes and flowery backgrounds. It has been a while since I last read a magical girl manga. Sorachi doesn’t have much fashion sense.

And here is the first ever opening, 20 years ago, to end this nostalgic post.

 

New Year New Me New Resolution

1) EXERCISE. Do the Doctor’s physio-exercise set everyday. And go to the gym/swim twice a week. 
According to my doctor, there is no other way to cure my back and hip problems. Besides exercising. Strengthening my muscles. Plus, I am no longer at the age when I can just sleep away my health problems. I don’t move, oil and fats just accumulate around my waist. I have the perfect bad example before me, i.e. my bro. Witnessing his growing belly is scary. I don’t want to be that to happen to me. As a start, I have already signed up for Sunday Yoga class organised by my estate’s clubhouse. Paying for a course motivate me to do stuff.

2) Join the 三聯年輕作家創作比賽
Or any other kind of competition that get my comics publish somehow. When I was younger, I always have the mentality that it is very embarrassing to let others know I work hard for a goal. Like shit that is not cool at all! Yolo and achieve something along the way effortlessly is the way to go! That is how a genius works! Guess what Chip, BULLSHIT WHAT KIND OF STUPID IDEA YOU HAVE WAKE UP WAKE UP!!! I admit I am greedy I want fame I want to have a book published under my name I want people to read my stuff and applaud me I want to earn big bucks from my works I don’t want it to be just a hobby I am narcissistic and I have a huge ego. HUGE. Now I should really work my ass off to feed my EGO. and yes I know very well even if I did publish one thing it won’t change much because the industry is cruel that way. But I still need to start from somewhere right? I am not even at the starting line of the race fuck me.  And I should make Lady Gaga’s The Fame my theme song of the year.

Fame (fame)

Doing it for the fame (fame)
‘Cause we wanna live the life of the rich and famous
Fame (fame)
Doing it for the fame (fame)
‘Cause we gotta taste for champagne and endless fortune

On an unrelated note, Lady Gaga’s first album is still my favourite album because it showed her raw greed. No fancy stories and meaning. It is honest and I like it.

3) Get Okita out of the forest
The second live action is coming out and Sadaharu is dead. (I HATE YOU SORACHI WHAT ARE YOU DOING) But little Sugo is still stuck in the forest. For like… how many years already? 4? Not cool chip not cool.

4) Participate in at least one convention/market/fair
The first experience has been a good one and I want to do it again. But that also means I need to MAKE more stuff to sell. And all the administration. Like registering for booths and shit. WORK HARD CHIP WORK HARD.

5) Do THIS freelance well. 
I mean, this is like, opportunities. Those rare opportunities that drop down from the sky. I have to admit I didn’t have a good start because my lazy bones strikes. So many things not sorted out and thought out yet. But I shouldn’t overthink it too because I have the tendency to do bad if I overthink too much. Like you know, the more you want the more you stumble? I guess if I do it step by step logically, it should be fine. Of course, I have one big enemy, and that is

6) PROCRASTINATION. SAY NO TO IT.
The mother of all problems. Partial cause of OTs and lack of sleep. Main reason I don’t learn new stuff or update my page. Because I PROCRASTINATE. On Facebook, instagram, netflix, e.t.c. Procrastinating on Netflix is still ok, at least I am enjoying. Instagram is ok too since I subscribe to design studios and illustrators, at least I am on touch with trends and shit. And those instagram babies are cute. Procrastination on Facebook is the worst. Reading useless comments of unknown strangers on random entertainment articles and get angry because those people on the net, their mouth, need some serious cleansing. Why should I get angry over some stupid men making misogynistic comments on Victoria Beckham??? (Not a Posh Spice fan but seriously those guys, ENEMIES TO ALL WOMEN.) Scrolling through those stupid comments for the sake of delaying work is not worth it girl. Just chop chop finish up work so that I can have more time to stalk Masaki.

7) Start managing my finances.
2017 is the year I didn’t save much because 1) I bought stupid mac 2) I bought a phone and lost it so I have to buy it again. 3) I went on two trips  4) Annual Insurance fees is getting so freaking expensive due to inflation. I think it is time for me to keep a book, or at least a note on evernote to keep track of my expenses each month. When my colleague told me each month we spent at least a 1000+ on lunch, I was so damn shock. Like really??? 腿蛋辛辣麵 is only $HKD35! Why is it that when they add up together the sum is so huge??? Seriously if I want to move out/rent a studio, I need to figure something out here. This world runs on money yo.

8) Read 5 books
Yes I cut the number by half compared to my 2017 resolution. Baby steps baby steps. Which leads to

9) No more phone on the bed. 
If I take the time I use the phone on my bed before I sleep to read, I think I can get the 5 books target. Plus it is really bad for my eyes. Those phone lights in the dark.

10) Go for classes.
Calligraphy class, Japanese class, painting class, whatever class… I think I should really learn something. New or brush up on my skills.

11) Complete at least 6 out of these 10 resolutions.
I am tired of looking at this list at the end of the year and feel like a loser again.

The Annual Oh-I-Did-Nothing-Again! Party

I just spent the whole of today doing nothing. Ok not exactly nothing, I watched Rick and Morty, blogged a bit, caught up with the manga series, ate, scrolled facebook, scrolled instagram… basically just bumming around. Feels good to just bum around. Bad at the same time. So I read some 淺野一二〇 to remind myself how cruel this world is. I really like how this guy panel. He likes to use minimal dialogues and draw a lot of background montages to imitate camera movement, setting the mood. Just like 四葉妹妹. But the way 四葉妹妹 lines up the background panels is so light hearted. And his is so…. oh well.

Anyways.

Let me go through my 2017 resolution! and see if I have achieved any!! Red for done, black for NO.

  1. Go Russia. (Yes this is no. 1 goal in 2017. Look at me choo look into my eyes.)
    YAY WE WENT! And I lost everything there! hurray! But I have to say, now I am experienced in all the visa passport paperwork shit. Or at least I know I can +852 18680000 when I need help overseas. Still on my quest to get back my identity. But other than that, Russia is fun. I will definitely go there again. Hollywood has really messed up my view of Russia previously. The place is really beautiful and culturally rich. I have to say I like Russia more than England. Because the people are not so loud and they have better dress sense. No ugly tights with short tees. Yes wearing tights with short tees, is the ugliest thing you can wear. if you wanna wear tights with tee, make it a long tee and cover your bum. More flattering that way.
  2. Join the 三聯年輕作家創作比賽
    Seems like this is a biannual competition. So the next round is actually in the next year i.e. 2018. But well I join the Tottori one. And god bless me the judges like my story. Even though I think it looked damn ugly now. So I think I will give this a red.
  3. No more mistakes in output files.
    I made one mistake earlier this year. More like, the client, his bosses and I made that mistake. Because no one spot that one typo error after 4 months of proof-reading or so. Haiz. But besides that, I think I made no other output file mistake. So… I still put this as a black. 
  4. Join Calligraphy class
    … how many years I make this resolution already. I hate myself. 
  5. MAKE SURE OKITA GETS OUT OF THE FOREST BY JUNE
    I AM SORRY OKITA. YOU ARE NOT GETTING OUT OF THE FOREST ANYTIME SOON.
  6. Read at least 10 books by the end of the year
    I have finished… Life of Pi, Stranger and…. Ok I suck.
  7. Sun is exercise day
    I managed to do it! I managed to do it! I jogged once a week from Jan to May, swam once a week from May to Oct, and started doing gym (because my doctor says no to running) from Oct to Dec. Not counting the travelling days. But hey! I think I took a good baby step! 
  8. Update facebook page at least twice a month once binding hell is over.
    Ok I got lazy. I suck.
  9.  Clean my fucking room and let go of rubbish at Store Friendly. Rubbish like SAT papers and A’Level notes.
    I cleaned my fucking room, but didn’t do anything to Store Friendly. Shit.
  10. No more phone once on bed. NO MORE.
    I suck. I give up on this one.
  11. Visit 1 exhibition a month.
    I even help to set up and manage an exhibition man. 
  12. Learn to cook 1 dish.
    … I go hit myself ok.

  13. Complete all work and task with 100% effort and professionalism. Even if is just like, washing a cup. Because I get fed up with the sloppiness in the society and I feel that Hong Kong is soon becoming another chinese state with no integrity and respect. Even if I can’t change the people around me, I should start with myself first. It’s the pride to uphold.
    I don’t really know how I should judge this. But I feel that I that I am still very immature and not a professional. Like how I handled the uni-mate case. 
  14. Start looking at possibilities of renting a studio/ moving out. yes. I am serious in this. Despite of high rental and shit. But I don’t want to be still dependent on my parents when I am 30.
    Oh god. This. 

Final score: 4/14.

 

Highlights of 2017

In chronological order, or at least in the order I remember,

  1. Self-published the book 《跳跳跳》. In which I painstakingly hand-binded 60, 60 copies. And had it sold in Kubrick and Joint Publishing. Yay!
  2. Spent a bomb on the new mac book pro which has a stupid touch bar. Steve Jobs is seriously rolling in his grave. And I seriously have no idea if there are better options out there, especially when every single thing is sync together in that i-cloud. DAMMIT APPLE DAMN YOU.
  3. Also signed the devil deal to Adobe. I HATE YOU ADOBE I HATE YOU.
  4. Virgin booth experience at the original doujin convention. And I felt so touched at the positive responses from the crowd. A real morale boost.
  5. Went to Myanmar. And fell off a scooter. But still cycled 21km the next day. Youth people youth. The last moments of youth.
  6. Manga Hell coincides with Freelance hell and O.T. Loop.
  7. And Exhibition Bomb dropped down right after I finished Manga hell. Damn you boss.
  8. Watched Gintama Live Action on a Typhoon 8 day. AND discovered this guy call Masaki Suda.
  9. Couldn’t take the butt pain anymore so I went to the doctor. And discovered I have a dislocated hip. And crooked spine. And super weak legs. So begin my long term physiotherapy.
  10. Read 晚安布布 and got myself depressed for almost a week. It is a very mind-numbing series. If you are up for depressing and twisted humanity shit, please read.
  11. Realised Teiichi no Kuni has a live action and I am happy because it is one of my favourite underrated manga. And Masaki Suda is in it.
  12. Watched Teiichi no Kuni Live action and fell super in love with Masaki Suda
  13. Got Choo to love Teiichi no Kuni AND Masaki Suda. MY BIGGEST ACCOMPLISHMENT OF THE YEAR. (Didn’t manage to convince Vina though.)
  14. Got myself an iphone 8
  15. Got notified about my win at the manga competition. Manga hell somehow paid off.
  16. Got screwed up by my uni mate and his mate at work.
  17. Had my 《跳跳跳》and the umbrella zine showcased in a zine festival.
  18. Participated in that same zine festival and felt inspired to go to Tokyo/Seoul Art book Fair next year.
  19. Avoided my arch enemies at that same zine festival with half-perfect disguise.
  20. Had《跳跳跳》sold in Shanghai, Guangzhou, Beijing and Taipei thanks to ZineCoop
  21. Got offered to do a book design for Big Shot
  22. Went Russia with Vivi and Choo.
  23. Lost my passport, I.D card, credit card, cash, iPhone 8, camera, and everything else in Russia because I am a genius.
  24. Had the perfect crash course at dealing with missing identities. From remote resetting of phones, to applying visas, to telling Russians “My passport was stolen”
  25. Saw snow for the first time in my life. And hate it after 5 mins in the windy snow and walking on slush.
  26. Realised I have mean but great friends. To 10, 20 or 30 more years of shit.

 

夢中人 一分鐘抱緊 接十分鐘的吻

I just binge watch two Wong Ka Wai’s film in the name of work. Yes all the shit research I do to escape the ACTUAL work.

In the Mood of Love is beautiful. But yar that is it. to me is just beautiful. Great colours great song great acting great everything technical.  Maybe I am too low to get all the subtle cinematic hints but yar besides beautiful I can’t feel anything else. Just like 一代宗師. Is just.. beautiful. candy to the senses.

But omg. ChungKing Express. Seriously everyone should watch ChungKing Express. IT IS SO GREAT I FEEL LIKE CRYING NOW. First of all I am very amazed that this movie doesn’t seem like a 1994 movies AT ALL. The only reminder is the old technology like the dial phones and pagers and writing letters but hey with all the hype about retro these days, modern films like to set themselves in this era too. The colours is great, the music is wonderful, and OMG 金城武原來真的很帥林青霞真的很有味道梁朝偉真的很帥王菲真的很美還很會唱歌。Though the plot is kind of disconnected and the dialogues are rather random, it feels coherent as a whole. So absurd but somehow it all make sense. and is funny! yes it IS a comedy, it is funny in a quiet way and I like it! Especially the second story with 梁朝偉 and 王菲.

梁朝偉is a cop and he frequents the food store 王菲 works in. So one day 梁朝偉 breaks up with his girlfriend and she leaves a letter with his house keys at the food store. (sounds like the 90s way of breaking up on whatsapp) 王菲 who has a secret crush on 梁朝偉, decides to BREAK into his house everyday during her lunch and changes his house deco bits by bits. And 梁朝偉 doesn’t realise it until like, very late. Yes this totally a scary stalker story on hindsight. And 梁朝偉 totally doesn’t qualify as a cop if he can’t even spot his toothbrush being changed. but instead of a thriller mystery tone (which the first story is), the director decides to tell the story in a light hearted manner. with a constant play of folk rock song California Dreamin’. And now the song is looping in my head. by the way, 王菲 is so cute so cute so damn damn cute you will allow her to stalk you. Can totally understand why 梁朝偉 didn’t arrest her. and yes I am liking her outfit even though is so 90s.

And though light-hearted there is still the signature Wong Ka Wai’s melancholy. Afterall the film is about loneliness and alienation in a city. But unlike his other films which are like, “we are sad and we are very sad our face all spells very sad”, the characters handle the sadness with silliness and absurdity. which is more real. Because who in real life will really show our sad faces day to day? don’t we all mask ourselves with some kind of a smile?

I sort of understand why this movie didn’t sell back then. Because it was 20 years ahead of its time. The storytelling, the characterisation, the camera movement, the humour, everything.

Maybe Wong Kar Wai should make more romantic comedy instead of serious love affairs shit.

Here is the movie’s mv. seriously, 王菲 voice is really very amazing.

Nothing much happened, but many things also happened. Yes is a contradiction and this sentence doesn’t make sense.

Anyway when I am here, you know the reason why.

I just picked up a new freelance but this time this is something so big I am kind of scared but I hope I can do it well because, well, is big. But I have not touched it at all and have nbeen slacking for one full week ever since I outputted that goddam festival guide at work and well, my boss was away. So I just switch on the slacking mode. I just bum around watching Beyond Stranger Things (didn’t know millie is such a talkative girl). I think the cold weather is also contributing to it.

And I guess the other reason I have not been in the mood to do anything is because I found out the results of the tottori manga competition. Thank god buddha allah for their blessing, somehow I managed to win something. To some degree this is even happier than getting first class honors because I deem manga as something very, very, very difficult. Like an untouchable dream and now i make a 0.0001mm of progress. But ever since the adrenaline wear off (which was like the next day), the worries and self doubt kicks in. Again. manga is hell and it will always be. There are always tons of worries which will beat down whatever minor progress I have made. Then I will go from hero back to zero.

and it is not helping when I found out that my arch enemies will be at the zine fest which I wanted to go. Like GODDAMIT. Note is ENEMIES not just ENEMY. even though I suspect that these enemies may not even remember who I am/can’t be bothered with me, I hate them. Because they have scarred me and I am a petty person who remembers those shit they have done, making my work and life miserable. But I really wanted to go to the zine fest and the pop up market, which just happened this weekend. (Oh god I just reread the paragraph I wrote, and I sound like an insane bitch. Oh well.)

So I decided to disguise myself.

Yes I disguise myself so that my arch enemies and acquaintances won’t see me. It is irritating how small this circle is and is always those familiar faces but shit I am socially awkward and I can’t socialise and I make bad small talks. So I disguise myself. By wearing contacts and makeup and a hat, dressing like those fashionista you see in WEAR.jp. Because I realised people can’t recognise me when my specs is off. Just how much is my existence is based on my specs am I shinpachi? 98% glasses and 2% rubbish? but whatever back to the story. So i tried dressing like those fashionista and hey I thought I did a pretty good job and I felt so happy in front of the mirror. Like WOHOO who is this pretty girl wohoo!

But once I am ACTUALLY at the festival all the insecurities start kicking in and I felt so insecure like Omg will people recognise me? if they do will they think weirdly of me because I am dress this way omg did my lipstick smudge omg what what what????

In the end the disguise worked 50%. Like when I just walk pass people they won’t recognise me. If I stand there long enough for them to stare they will know who I am. So I couldn’t avoid two painful small talks. But well, lucky for me I avoided the enemies. I hide pass one of them and completely avoided the other in these two days.

By the way, I felt like I was playing mine sweeper at the festival. One of the arch enemies had a booth at the pop up market. The market is across two levels, 4 different rooms. I managed to find the right rooms to go and SUCCESSFULLY avoided the bomb. I am SO DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF BEST MIME SWEEPER GAME EVER.

To sum up, I spend the past week watching Beyond Stranger Things, getting high then low again, and worrying about meeting arch enemies. Oh and also cursing boss for not answering whatsapp.

Emotionally so drain I couldn’t start on the big freelance.

Ok fine is all excuses. Happy things also happened. The zine festival was great and now I inspired to go to Tokyo Art Book Fair/ Seoul Art Book Fair next year. and I also had a great dinner with my YMCA mates. The 雞煲 was great and super filling.

I shall start work now.