Because I am having some kind of creative block (AGAIN) and I cant think of shit for this Ad-Hoc-Why-am-I-doing-this job, I am listening to Hatsune Miku. Omg those otaku 宅到不能再宅 Uni days. That is how I wasted my 花樣年華 away. Watching PVs on Nico Nico. Listening to songs sang by a group of virtual singers. I nearly paid to watch holograms perform back then. But well welcome to the 21st century! Who needs real idols when we have computer generated girls and boys!  But till now I am still amazed at the technology. And the creativity those composers had. A few of them actually went pro and made songs for anime and dramas. Go otakus go!

Anyway if you think I am whining too much about my work, I think that is a good sign. Because I only whine when I am comfortable or when I actually like/ok with what I am doing. How to put it, like, I actually do feel ok for people to comment or criticise my whining because I have a basic level of confidence in what I am doing.

If I am really struggling, like, in deep pain shit, I wont say. Because that is when I am really vulnerable and I don’t want anyone to know because my ego says no. I know this is really unhealthy, but somehow that is how my mentality is structured.

Is like, if you are in your relationship, and you keep whinning to your friends about your boyfriend because in a way you want to tell the people around you “hey! I have a boyfriend and we are doing fine!”. It is a twisted and passive way in showing off, or in a more positive light, you are telling others you are happy. But if your boyfriend is abusive and punch you all over the face, you won’t even want to let anyone see it right? Besides pride, you don’t want people to worry for you. So you won’t say anything about your bruises.

Not sure if I am making sense.

Ok I am still stuck. Let me scroll pinterest and see what kind of inspiration i can get.


I believe in the line ’30s is the new 20s”

Hello. I am procrastinating again because I have zero, ZERO idea what the visual should be. But I have to vomit something out by tomorrow. So.

Anyway my uni mate just had his second child. I feel happy for him, at the same time worried for myself. Oh Gawd so those sappy drama is true? When you are in your late 20s, unmarried and childless, you start to become those envious bitches with hormonal imbalances? Oh wait, at least those female leads have a successful career. What am I doing here? Uninspired and wasting time reading lousy korean web comics.

Yes these days I quite indulge myself in korean web comics because they require less effort than jap manga. Usually they are either about hot looking people or rich kids. Some horror stories do touch on the dark side of humanity, but it is still bearable. Unlike depressing shit like 晚安布布, which somehow left a psychological scar on me. Though the plot is actually quite soap opera-ish, but the way the mangaka drew it, the surreal way he presented the story, the dialogues he wrote, brought those eyebrow-raising family drama to another level, i.e. suffocating depression. Yes I have never, never, never read a manga that is so suffocating and hard to swallow. Even more than the chimera girl in FMA (childhood trauma) I felt so upset during the course of reading and the effect lasted for at least a week after I finished.

So yar, I read brainless k-comic these days. At least I know I won’t need to read 10 lines of nonsensical shit that is squeezed into one small dialogue box. And yes sorachi I am talking about you here. 吐槽ing your bad panelling  and storyline has become my favourite thing to do whenever Gintama updates. Seriously, 勾二嫂? you have come to the point that 勾二嫂 is actually a plot line?

So yar, I just wasted 20 minutes talking about comics. Haven’t even open my illustrator yet. And my uni mate is probably looking after his older daughter now.

Like, FML.


I just watched this korean movie called 《逆權司機》, A Taxi Driver. I cried. I fucking cried. No is not those “oh oppa I love you please dont leave me” nor “oh i got cancer and I still have a daughter to take care of”. It is a movie based on true historic events, about political oppression, cruel dictatorship, untrue news, and a bunch of normal, everyday people you will meet fighting for justice. Ok the way I describe sound like those over-the-top heroic war film. But it is not. The protagonist is just an politically apathetic ugly taxi-driver uncle who worked his ass off in Seoul to pay his ends. Who cursed at those university students rallying, affecting his work. Who didn’t care about what ever democracy and whatever justice. He just wanted his daughter to be well. And one day this german reporter, who also just worked his ass off for money, wanted to hire a driver to drive him to 光州 to find out the truth. In the 80s when we had no facebook live, the dictatorial  government just shut the whole province out. Nobody, except those there, knew what happened. Not knowing how dangerous the job was, this ugly taxi driver snatched the job from his fellow driver because it paid well. And when they were there, they found out the whole province was a war zone. Hundreds died, thousands injured, all 平民百姓, under the guns of the military. What wrong did the people do? Nothing much. They just gathered, shouted slogans and sing, wanting a more democratic system. But the dictatorship thought this was the worst violence the people could offer. So tanks just drove over the bodies.

Sound too dramatic too be true, but this is real history. In Korea, where it is now best known for Gangnam Style and Big Bang. Anyway in the beginning of the movie there was a establishing shot of 80s Seoul, and it looked so different from what I know. And there was also a contrasting shot of Tokyo (the german reporter was originally based in Tokyo) in the 80s, to show exactly how undeveloped Seoul was back then. This is kind of a shock for me, because this was just in the 80s, it is not too far back. Not like is during WWII or whatsoever, it is just the 80s. And how far the place has come, judging from the end of the movie, with another establishing shot of 2016 Seoul.

But what really makes me cry is that some of the scenes kind of reminded me of 2014 Hong Kong. Like people just gathering and singing, fighting for what we think is right. Though no tanks drove over us, but hey, who knows this wouldn’t happen. Look at Tiananmen Square, similar incident. Students rallying, tanks drove and shoot, people dying, and the government pretended nothing had happened. The only difference between 光州事件 and 6.4 is that the korean government admitted the whole saga later on. And they can make a movie out of it in 2017, but 6.4 is still a taboo word and you can’t Baidu it at all. The Tiananmen students died in vain.

What I liked about this movie is that the characters are very real. Originally the driver really didn’t care, and got angry at the reporter for brining him to such a dangerous place. The reporter was also pissed at what a money sucking cheater the taxi driver is. (Those scenes were kind of funny.) The taxi driver even escaped without the reporter, like what any normal live-loving person will do. But there is such a thing called conscious. The scene which the taxi driver sang and cry, not knowing what should he do, is so powerful. Should he ignore his conscious, continue to be apathetic and go back to Seoul safely to his daughter, or should he go back into danger, to get the reporter out so that he could tell the world the injustice Korea is facing? He chose the latter. And I am happy that the film director chose this too, to give us some hope in humanity, like what a film should do in troubled times like now. And in history the taxi drive really did support the german reporter to the very end, to get the footage out to the world.

Unfortunately, the taxi driver in reality didn’t live to 2017 like he did in the movie. He died 4 years later, due to intoxication. He broke down into depression after seeing the horror images.

Anyway this film makes me wonder. Must blood always be shed to achieve peace and justice? Is there no other way?

On a lighter note, I discovered this 80s Korean song which is quite nice.

The effects has wore off.

京都國際漫畫賞2017, which is opened to just Taiwan(and maybe some other countries but not mine), just announced the winners. I saw the grand prize. Ok the guy is already an established artist back in taiwan with books published and everything. But still. Then I look back at the one I just completed.

I feel like a loser and I should just curl up and die.

It’s the time of the year again to play that song.

Let me procrastinate. And praise myself.

If you have notice (not like anyone read this anyway), I have been whining a lot for the past few months. Since like erm, mid June. That was the time I picked up 2 freelance job (yes, two. I am amazing) because I need money. The useless mac book pro totally suck all my money up and let me complain about its uselessness in another post. It just sucks apple just sucks steeve jobs is rolling in his graves. Oh it was also the time I paid my annual insurance fees and WOW INFLATION IS A BITCH. Anyways. I picked up two freelance from Mary and don’t ask me why I still want to do freelance with her. most likely is because I am too lazy to find new sources and new sources most likely wouldn’t pay as much and I couldn’t say/won’t have the guts to say “I cant do it now give me a few more days”. Is a mutual thing I guess. I suck up to her pickiness and they suck up to my tantrum. So.

However, being a true M, I wasn’t satisfied with just two freelance projects and a full time job. I decided to join the Tottori manga competition too! The story idea came at 3a.m when I was on the taxi after O.T. and being high(?) I told myself OMG LET’S DO IT WHAT AN AMAZING IDEA!.

So. 2 freelance projects. A full time job with approximately 3 projects on hand. And 18 pages manga hell. HAHAHHA I AM A GENIUS.

Oh and not just that. Plus appointments with the doctor because my butts hurt way too much. Turns out my hips were dislocated.

All these, happened within July and August. 2 months. Don’t ask me how this can happen but I manage to pull through. alive. And I level up my background drawing skills. I LEVELED UP HAAHHA.

But just when I thought I am the champion of the world and I can slack all I want I realise September is hell month in the office because of the retrospective exhibition. It was the job of my colleague all along but when the actual exhibition is here I realise I need to be down too because we are short-numbered. so here comes September whereby I will only have 1 day of rest every week. And most likely that one day will be used to chase deadlines.

I don’t care if this song is from 20 years ago and shit but it totally describe my feelings now.

Actually it should be wake me up when October ends because October boss and colleague is going on holiday one after another. and who will be doing all the work?


I can’t wait till December.