夢中人 一分鐘抱緊 接十分鐘的吻

I just binge watch two Wong Ka Wai’s film in the name of work. Yes all the shit research I do to escape the ACTUAL work.

In the Mood of Love is beautiful. But yar that is it. to me is just beautiful. Great colours great song great acting great everything technical.  Maybe I am too low to get all the subtle cinematic hints but yar besides beautiful I can’t feel anything else. Just like 一代宗師. Is just.. beautiful. candy to the senses.

But omg. ChungKing Express. Seriously everyone should watch ChungKing Express. IT IS SO GREAT I FEEL LIKE CRYING NOW. First of all I am very amazed that this movie doesn’t seem like a 1994 movies AT ALL. The only reminder is the old technology like the dial phones and pagers and writing letters but hey with all the hype about retro these days, modern films like to set themselves in this era too. The colours is great, the music is wonderful, and OMG 金城武原來真的很帥林青霞真的很有味道梁朝偉真的很帥王菲真的很美還很會唱歌。Though the plot is kind of disconnected and the dialogues are rather random, it feels coherent as a whole. So absurd but somehow it all make sense. and is funny! yes it IS a comedy, it is funny in a quiet way and I like it! Especially the second story with 梁朝偉 and 王菲.

梁朝偉is a cop and he frequents the food store 王菲 works in. So one day 梁朝偉 breaks up with his girlfriend and she leaves a letter with his house keys at the food store. (sounds like the 90s way of breaking up on whatsapp) 王菲 who has a secret crush on 梁朝偉, decides to BREAK into his house everyday during her lunch and changes his house deco bits by bits. And 梁朝偉 doesn’t realise it until like, very late. Yes this totally a scary stalker story on hindsight. And 梁朝偉 totally doesn’t qualify as a cop if he can’t even spot his toothbrush being changed. but instead of a thriller mystery tone (which the first story is), the director decides to tell the story in a light hearted manner. with a constant play of folk rock song California Dreamin’. And now the song is looping in my head. by the way, 王菲 is so cute so cute so damn damn cute you will allow her to stalk you. Can totally understand why 梁朝偉 didn’t arrest her. and yes I am liking her outfit even though is so 90s.

And though light-hearted there is still the signature Wong Ka Wai’s melancholy. Afterall the film is about loneliness and alienation in a city. But unlike his other films which are like, “we are sad and we are very sad our face all spells very sad”, the characters handle the sadness with silliness and absurdity. which is more real. Because who in real life will really show our sad faces day to day? don’t we all mask ourselves with some kind of a smile?

I sort of understand why this movie didn’t sell back then. Because it was 20 years ahead of its time. The storytelling, the characterisation, the camera movement, the humour, everything.

Maybe Wong Kar Wai should make more romantic comedy instead of serious love affairs shit.

Here is the movie’s mv. seriously, 王菲 voice is really very amazing.


Nothing much happened, but many things also happened. Yes is a contradiction and this sentence doesn’t make sense.

Anyway when I am here, you know the reason why.

I just picked up a new freelance but this time this is something so big I am kind of scared but I hope I can do it well because, well, is big. But I have not touched it at all and have nbeen slacking for one full week ever since I outputted that goddam festival guide at work and well, my boss was away. So I just switch on the slacking mode. I just bum around watching Beyond Stranger Things (didn’t know millie is such a talkative girl). I think the cold weather is also contributing to it.

And I guess the other reason I have not been in the mood to do anything is because I found out the results of the tottori manga competition. Thank god buddha allah for their blessing, somehow I managed to win something. To some degree this is even happier than getting first class honors because I deem manga as something very, very, very difficult. Like an untouchable dream and now i make a 0.0001mm of progress. But ever since the adrenaline wear off (which was like the next day), the worries and self doubt kicks in. Again. manga is hell and it will always be. There are always tons of worries which will beat down whatever minor progress I have made. Then I will go from hero back to zero.

and it is not helping when I found out that my arch enemies will be at the zine fest which I wanted to go. Like GODDAMIT. Note is ENEMIES not just ENEMY. even though I suspect that these enemies may not even remember who I am/can’t be bothered with me, I hate them. Because they have scarred me and I am a petty person who remembers those shit they have done, making my work and life miserable. But I really wanted to go to the zine fest and the pop up market, which just happened this weekend. (Oh god I just reread the paragraph I wrote, and I sound like an insane bitch. Oh well.)

So I decided to disguise myself.

Yes I disguise myself so that my arch enemies and acquaintances won’t see me. It is irritating how small this circle is and is always those familiar faces but shit I am socially awkward and I can’t socialise and I make bad small talks. So I disguise myself. By wearing contacts and makeup and a hat, dressing like those fashionista you see in WEAR.jp. Because I realised people can’t recognise me when my specs is off. Just how much is my existence is based on my specs am I shinpachi? 98% glasses and 2% rubbish? but whatever back to the story. So i tried dressing like those fashionista and hey I thought I did a pretty good job and I felt so happy in front of the mirror. Like WOHOO who is this pretty girl wohoo!

But once I am ACTUALLY at the festival all the insecurities start kicking in and I felt so insecure like Omg will people recognise me? if they do will they think weirdly of me because I am dress this way omg did my lipstick smudge omg what what what????

In the end the disguise worked 50%. Like when I just walk pass people they won’t recognise me. If I stand there long enough for them to stare they will know who I am. So I couldn’t avoid two painful small talks. But well, lucky for me I avoided the enemies. I hide pass one of them and completely avoided the other in these two days.

By the way, I felt like I was playing mine sweeper at the festival. One of the arch enemies had a booth at the pop up market. The market is across two levels, 4 different rooms. I managed to find the right rooms to go and SUCCESSFULLY avoided the bomb. I am SO DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF BEST MIME SWEEPER GAME EVER.

To sum up, I spend the past week watching Beyond Stranger Things, getting high then low again, and worrying about meeting arch enemies. Oh and also cursing boss for not answering whatsapp.

Emotionally so drain I couldn’t start on the big freelance.

Ok fine is all excuses. Happy things also happened. The zine festival was great and now I inspired to go to Tokyo Art Book Fair/ Seoul Art Book Fair next year. and I also had a great dinner with my YMCA mates. The 雞煲 was great and super filling.

I shall start work now.


Because is Sunday but I am still in the office.

Here is two MVs which involve weird japanese girls dancing through the Singapore and Hong Kong respectively.

I like how KOM_I is blocking the path and passerby are looking at her as though she is insane.

Because I am a loser and Masaki Suda is very talented.

Because I am a loser and my life only revolves around work, 2D people and dramas. Here is a post dedicated to fan-girling 菅田將暉 Masaki Suda.

Anyway I first notice Suda in a drama called 民王. I wasn’t the one watching. It was my brother. Because I judge my brother’s taste, I never watch any episode properly. I only caught a snippets of the show. According to my bro’s lousy summary, the story revolved around an angry politician who swapped soul with his loser otaku son. That loser otaku son is Suda. And since in the show he swapped soul, he was also the angry politician. There was a scene which Suda, with the angry politician soul inside him, was having an interview and he screamed at the interviewers for being judgemental (you know, the usual jap drama 說教mode). At that point of time  I was like wow, this young actor, not very handsome but so dramatic and crazy. Even though I didn’t follow the drama at all, that scene, left an impression on me.

Then last year Death Note announce a new live action movie after 10 years. I checked out the trailer because I was skeptical. Like, what else can they pull off? Both L and Light were dead omg stop milking money out of old series and think of something new. So there is a successor to L and a successor to Light… and is that successor to Light played by the crazy not-very-handsome actor from 民王? And in the trailer he looked so intelligent and arrogant. Ok, that is so different from that screaming dude. A deeper impression was made.

Then they announce the Gintama live action. When the cast list was out, under shinpachi i.e. the spectacles hanger, was the name Masaki Suda. Ok. I have faith in his screaming, but, can he play a spectacles hanger? I couldn’t imagine how a crazy politican/ intelligent serial killer can look like shinpachi. But when the movie poster was out, wow he was the most convincing character. That is exactly how loser shinpachi will look like in real life. 路人甲臉and 氣場. I anticipated lots and lots of screaming from him. And surprise! He didn’t scream at all like what shinpachi should. But, but, he created a NEW endearing shinpachi that is actually in line with the original story. And this shinpachi is so likable omg what a cute little kid. So now Suda is an endearing 16 years old boy.

Finally I watched 帝一之國 today. That is it. Suda has sealed his position as my favourite new-generation jap actor. I think one very important trait good actors/actress have is that they are very willing to make themselves look ugly. Easier said than done. Since generally actors and actresses are quite good looking, many of them have this burdern of looking great at all times. Example: 宋仲基 who is not willing to put down his 帥哥image and always maintain his handsome face. Yes I know you are handsome. But i think even the most handsome person will look pretty ugly when he is crying or struggling or shit. And when you have this good-looks burden, you put a limit to your acting. And Suda, even though he is young (24 gasp omg), is willing to show the camera his spitting saliva when he talks. Or mucus when he cries. And i think that is one of the reason why he looks like whatever he is acting as.

Here is Suda as a shoe-licking assholeproxy.png

Suda as a shoe-licking asshole taking a testphotos_22851_1500272263.jpg

Suda as an endearing spectacles hanger《銀魂》劇照2-菅田將暉.jpg

Suda as a screaming politician30456175675367774674.jpg


Suda as a serial killerImgLfOmzSk1Z8YMauwoo9ZO.jpg

Suda as a pretty girlB5OFGwLCcAAVYAq.jpg


Suda as a melancholic delinquent q5iaoaWYlKScqKQ.jpg


Suda as a fat loser student


Ok is going to 3a.m soon and I can’t believe I am still googling for more Suda. Now i feel like watching all the stuff he has acted in.


Because I am having some kind of creative block (AGAIN) and I cant think of shit for this Ad-Hoc-Why-am-I-doing-this job, I am listening to Hatsune Miku. Omg those otaku 宅到不能再宅 Uni days. That is how I wasted my 花樣年華 away. Watching PVs on Nico Nico. Listening to songs sang by a group of virtual singers. I nearly paid to watch holograms perform back then. But well welcome to the 21st century! Who needs real idols when we have computer generated girls and boys!  But till now I am still amazed at the technology. And the creativity those composers had. A few of them actually went pro and made songs for anime and dramas. Go otakus go!

Anyway if you think I am whining too much about my work, I think that is a good sign. Because I only whine when I am comfortable or when I actually like/ok with what I am doing. How to put it, like, I actually do feel ok for people to comment or criticise my whining because I have a basic level of confidence in what I am doing.

If I am really struggling, like, in deep pain shit, I wont say. Because that is when I am really vulnerable and I don’t want anyone to know because my ego says no. I know this is really unhealthy, but somehow that is how my mentality is structured.

Is like, if you are in your relationship, and you keep whinning to your friends about your boyfriend because in a way you want to tell the people around you “hey! I have a boyfriend and we are doing fine!”. It is a twisted and passive way in showing off, or in a more positive light, you are telling others you are happy. But if your boyfriend is abusive and punch you all over the face, you won’t even want to let anyone see it right? Besides pride, you don’t want people to worry for you. So you won’t say anything about your bruises.

Not sure if I am making sense.

Ok I am still stuck. Let me scroll pinterest and see what kind of inspiration i can get.

I believe in the line ’30s is the new 20s”

Hello. I am procrastinating again because I have zero, ZERO idea what the visual should be. But I have to vomit something out by tomorrow. So.

Anyway my uni mate just had his second child. I feel happy for him, at the same time worried for myself. Oh Gawd so those sappy drama is true? When you are in your late 20s, unmarried and childless, you start to become those envious bitches with hormonal imbalances? Oh wait, at least those female leads have a successful career. What am I doing here? Uninspired and wasting time reading lousy korean web comics.

Yes these days I quite indulge myself in korean web comics because they require less effort than jap manga. Usually they are either about hot looking people or rich kids. Some horror stories do touch on the dark side of humanity, but it is still bearable. Unlike depressing shit like 晚安布布, which somehow left a psychological scar on me. Though the plot is actually quite soap opera-ish, but the way the mangaka drew it, the surreal way he presented the story, the dialogues he wrote, brought those eyebrow-raising family drama to another level, i.e. suffocating depression. Yes I have never, never, never read a manga that is so suffocating and hard to swallow. Even more than the chimera girl in FMA (childhood trauma) I felt so upset during the course of reading and the effect lasted for at least a week after I finished.

So yar, I read brainless k-comic these days. At least I know I won’t need to read 10 lines of nonsensical shit that is squeezed into one small dialogue box. And yes sorachi I am talking about you here. 吐槽ing your bad panelling  and storyline has become my favourite thing to do whenever Gintama updates. Seriously, 勾二嫂? you have come to the point that 勾二嫂 is actually a plot line?

So yar, I just wasted 20 minutes talking about comics. Haven’t even open my illustrator yet. And my uni mate is probably looking after his older daughter now.

Like, FML.