Right now I am putting myself in this dangerous situation. I am working full-time, doing freelance AND doing manga hell AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME. WOHOO! CALL ME WONDERWOMAN CALL ME FUCKING WONDERWMAN. FUCK.
The worst part is not the lack of sleep or lack of social life. Who needs them anyway.
The worst part, is the dangerously low self-esteem during manga hell. Is called manga hell for a reason. I don’t know the reason for it, but every time I start the manga drawing process, my confidence level just drop to -1000000000000000000 and all the negative thoughts start to party in my head. and this interfere with my daily life i.e. work. Like I can hear my boss and my colleagues judging me. Not that they are really judging me. But my brain interprets every single sentence that comes out from their mouth as some mean criticism. Even if it is just “pass me the chips please”. Oh god. then you know how difficult is it for me to work.
And it doesn’t help when I start to read depressing stuff. What is wrong with me. I just finished this manga called 晚安布布 and is so damn freaking depressing. Don’t be fooled by that cute name or the cute-bird protagonist. Is depressing. Is fucking depressing. Is all about suicide and cults and murder and rape and child abuse and all other depressing shit. Well I did heed choo’s advice and read some cheesy korean comics after that to neutralise the effect.
Then I went to watch this movie called Made in Hong Kong yesterday night. Well I bought the tickets like one month ago. It was a special screening with some pre-screening talk from the director. The movie was made 20 years ago in 1997. Now we all know what the movie is about. It was a super low budget film because nobody wanted to fund some weird indie movie that deal with political topics. It was 1997 yo. when cheesy comedies and gambling movies are the 皇道. The director had to use expired left over films to make his movie. With unknown actors. It was not well received locally. But like all other legends of the underdogs, it eventually got critical reception overseas. Apparently everyone from Japan Taiwan Korea and China loved it. And the Italians loved it too. Everyone but the locals. Maybe this movie was screened too early in Hong Kong. We were all too hedonistic back then. But twenty years later this movie becomes more relevant than ever. I so wanted to cry at the end of it. Even if you strip the film out of the political context it is still very sad. You can view it as a coming of age movie. Just that all the characters didn’t have good endings. They all died. And that is not the saddest. the saddest part is that death is the happiest ending for them. Death is a vaccine for them against the uncertain bleak future. They remain young and fearless forever.
WTF man. wtf.
DIRECTOR WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.
AND WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME WATCHING SUCH SAD MOVIE DURING MANGA HELL.
Anyway i am now 3/18. I want to make it 4/18 but now I need to work on my freelance. Fuck me.
I shall listen to some Nicki Minaj to get myself higher than a motherfucker to get through stuff. And perhaps watch the live action gintama again before I sleep even though I have already watch twice and is like only 10 mins. I am super impressed by oguri shun. I am sorry Oguri Shun for hating you when I am 17. You are the best.