Coding is driving me crazy.

The pain in the ass thing about building website is cross-platform problem. Because we have mac and pc and 5 different browsers which is different from each other. It is damn irritating to make sure that the codes will work for ALL platforms. Currently the code is working well on mac fireforx and chrome. Safari looks good too. I am not going to care about opera because so little people use opera and for some reason my opera always crash so I can’t check it if works. Now what I really worry about, is our  beloved internet explorer. OH GOSH INTERNET EXPLORER THE PAIN IN THE ASS. There are so many freaking codes that internet explorer DOESN’T support. And for some weird reason tables and stuff always goes OFF in internet explorer. Why internet explorer why. Why are there still people using internet explorer why. I check the stats, there are still 18+% of the people using IE. that means the three main browser is chrome, firefox, and IE. WHY IE WHY. I seriously hope it stuff will work on IE. I have no weird javascript or what so it should be ok. I hope. I guess. OH GOSH IE WHY IE.

Anyway I feel so happy that J2 is now showing Gintama. SORRY BUT I AM REALLY HAPPY THAT I CAN WATCH IT ON TELEVISION IN CANTONESE OK. Watching stuff on computer and television is two different experience. On computer is sneaky and illegal. On TV is open and legal. And the cantonese VA are seriously not bad. Good job TVB. And the best thing is, it is showing EVERYDAY. Omg EVERYDAY. TVB YOU KNOW ME THE BEST MAN.

Watching Avengers tomorrow morning because is cheap. Shall sleep early. It seems like I am totally adapted to Euro Time zone EVEN THOUGH Fyp is over.

Oh wait.

I just remembered.

Is today the results release day???

Oh is not. Is wednesday. LOL

 

 

When you risk nothing, you risk (every)anything.

In the book 那些年，我們一齊追的女孩, 柯景騰 （i.e. 九把刀）went for his university interview in a pissed off mood. Mainly because a 賤貨(according to him) tricked 沈嘉儀 into giving up her early bird application. The only reason he applied for that uni was because of her, and now that she wasn’t there, he saw no motivation to continue. He was extremely grudgy during the entire interview. When the interviewer asked him why he wanted to apply for a business management course when he was studying science in school, he simply rolled his eyes and dropped this sentence, “When you risk nothing, you risk anything.”

He got into the university successfully.

4 years passed.  柯景騰 decided to apply for masters. Instead of writing a proper academic paper like what any other sane person will do, he wrote a novel involving terrorists and bombs and other weird stuff  to explain the academic concepts. During the interview, the professors asked him why did he do that. With a smile, he drop the exact same sentence with a confident smile, ”When you risk nothing, you risk anything.”

This time round, he failed and became a laughing stalk.

However, this became the starting point for him to write. And he wrote and wrote. And become one of the most successful authors in chinese popular literature.

Grammatically speaking, the sentence should be “When you risk nothing, you risk everything.” But well, that is not the point.

The point is, sometimes you just need to do the craziest things. Often we go the safe route because we are afraid of loosing. But if you think about it… what are we loosing exactly? Are we loosing our family and friends? Are we loosing our morals? Are we loosing our integrity? Or are we just loosing our ‘face’? Or some ‘maybes’ that you are uncertain of their existence?

Sometimes things just can’t be planned. And things are never as complicated as they seem. Well maybe they actually are, especially in terms of relationships. That is why there are things like backstabbing and rumours. But that just make things sour. So I rather see things in the simplest manner. Call me stupid or whatever. But is tiring to guess others’ emotions. And I want to live for the moment. Because you never know if I will slip and fall and hit my head and die the next moment.

So, I have decided.

I am going to the U.S. for an internship.

LOL SORRY FOR THE LONG PROLOGUE. I write all those chunk as though I am going to elope with some guy. Haha is just a small simple decision and I am making a drama out of it. Because to a useless and timid person like me, this is something huge. and imagine dragging my luggage all the way to the other side of the globe alone. No friends or family this time. And I have only just decided. I havn’t even apply to anything yet. (Not sure if any one wants me also. Maybe I will be rejected in all cases. How you know)

So right now I am  looking for studios to apply. I think I will ask my tutor about it, since he is from New York. NEW YORK. OMG IF ONLY I CAN GET AN INTERN IN NEW YORK.

I really want to see the world, before I get a full time job and slave my ass off.

As for money…

I will figure out a way. If i get the $HK50 000 scholarship, it will be settled. If. But I doubt I will get it since I am fighting with all the pros and best of shows. why did i even submit it in the first place? Because when I risk nothing, I risk (every)anything.

That shall be my life motto now.

http://store.modernchildren.net/track/somewhere-else 

The song that describe my feelings now.

I am going to throw him away soon.

I am that kind of person who easily gets attached to the things I used. And I will personify them. Like, my mac used to be a pretty boy but I have abused him so much that he is now in a rather fragile and unkempt stage. My previous phone, nokia xpress music, is a nice girl next door who knows me the best. She is really one of my best friend. I like her very much. But I accidentally drown her in water. I felt upset at her premature death. She could have at least last for another year. If only she survived, I would not have bought LG-I-can’t-remember-the-model-name, i.e. the douchebag.

Seriously, he is the most disgusting piece of shit ever. First of all he pretend to be a HTC-look alike. yar yar handsome and all but inside is all rotten. His camera function sucks, memory space sucks, response time suck, touch screen suck, always hang on me, eat up power for no reason, restart himself for no reason, cuts off my calls, doesn’t receive calls, loads facebook like damn long… the list goes on. Seriously, CUTTING OFF CALLS and NOT RECEIVING CALLS are the worst things he can ever do. That is the most basic, fundamental thing a phone should do, and there he is! NOT EVEN DOING THE MOST BASIC JOB PROPERLY.

GO TO HELL DOUCHEBAG.

 

懵懂的愛情最令人心動。

Since I have nothing to do (ok not really. Actually I have alot of things to do but I am procrastinating AGAIN.), I shall blog.

And I am currently out of blogging topics, even though I want to blog. (You know that kind of feeling? Like you want to say something but you dont know what do say. Just like when you are engaged in a small talk.)

So, I shall revisit my favourite topic I will never get bored of.

Gintama.

WARNING! YOU CAN SKIP THIS WHOLE CHUNK TO THE END IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED AND YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND THE FUN OF ACG. I DON’T WANT TO BORE YOU OR FREAK YOU OUT.

—————————————————————–

Yes I am so sorry but this is my blog so I have all the rights to repeat and proclaim my love for it. Especially when the recent plot development is so epic to the point that it seems like it is going to end soon. NOOOOO SORACHI PLEASE DRAW TILL THE 10th ANNIVERSARY! I WANT TO SEE ODA DRAW GIN SAN! Anyway I also just watched its movie on Saturday. Bakuchi Dancer is really too catchy and rhythmic to ignore. Omg I am a sucker for such ROCK客 (In the taiwanese slang) songs. GJ Does!

So what exactly about Gintama do I want to talk about? Because there is so many  things about gintama I can talk about. From the Openings to endings to takasugi’s 中二 smirks to parfait to history to sunrise to gundum to warner brothers (Mr. War and Mr. Ner)

So let me talk about my ultimate 萌點 of Gintama. Is none other than my favourite paring, Okita x Kagura.

How did I even start shipping them? I also dont know. Actually in fact when I first started gintama, I find the two of them the most boring characters.  Okita is is so 面攤 and all he does is to bully hijikata which is not very exciting. He has no crazy eating habits and he doesnt go around throwing red bean buns or scream a string of 吐槽. As for kagura, her first impression was not very good because of her over cliche chinese stereotype. As if anyone related to china must wear qipao, knows kungfu and has a huge stomach.  During the short stories which features the both of them, like the beatle story, I just thought to myself, “meh is the usual cliche rival-friend thingy. is everywhere. meh.”

Until I read the manga the second time.

On the second time I revisit the manga, I caught this line by kagura which i missed previously (is very easy to miss lines since the manga is just full of words)

“那小子一定是喜歡我”

?????

Are you sure? Like since when? Why did she even say that? He is such a 面攤  person as if he care such things about love. And this is gintama we are talking about. not kimi ni todoke. But slowly, I begin to notice the extemely mushy, 露骨 and retarded lines by okita

“我要逮捕你，因為你傷了警察先生的心.”

“只有我才能收拾那女孩.”

”有蛋漿從你的大腿間流下來了。 是排卵期嗎？”

and the most recent line

“眼前有豬跌到就會把牠吃掉。”

OMG IS HE IN PRIMARY SCHOOL??? Only a primary school boy will go around saying such vulgar and pseudo-tough stuff to tease the girl and act like he is all grown up but in actual fact it shows nothing besides his childish love for the girl. And he doesn’t know he is showing that. and to make it even better, the girl also doesn’t know he is all over her. That one time proclaim from kagura “那小子一定是喜歡我”  was more like a show of her “I am the queen haha” status, rather than actually meaning it. and she is irritated with him, which is the typical reaction from a primary school girl towards the primary school boy.

HOW INNOCENT AND CUTE CAN THEY GET???

You know usual romance stories are always so dramatic and emotional, and there will be lots of doubts and betrayal and things. But the two of them, are stupid. Their relationship is stupid and childish. But exactly it is stupid and childish, it is so innocent and cute. Is the puppy love that makes you go AWWwwwwwwwwwwww all over the place. And they start reminding you of that one boy or the girl in your primary school days.  (well, at least for me that happens. And yes sorry I was very 少女 during primary school and at that time I had so many crushes.Though i kept quiet for all of them because i was a true introvert. But of course, as times goes by, I can’t even remember how does having crushes feels like. I don’t think I can ever be in a relationship because I am scared of being in one as I have peter pan syndrome. I dont want to grow up and get married and stuff I want to stay as a kid forever.  But that is another story)   So I don’t really like it when some fans start adding mature content to their relationship because NO THAT WILL JUST TAKE AWAY THE 萌點. They are meant to be two kids who like each other but doesn’t know that they like each other because they don’t even know there is such thing called love.

And ever since the discovery of this budding love in a 無下限series like gintama, Okita shot up to become my no. 1 favourite character. And because I love the two of them so much, they made me love all other characters related to them, for example people like kamui. Till now i still cant see why is kamui so popular when he is so naggy and he is a rip off from edward. but the fact that  he is kagura’s brother and he is same height as okita make me like him. And oh well he shares the same birthday as me. or  信女. Yes she only appeared like recently but she became bestie with kagura and together they tortured okita, just like the way primary school girls join forces to bully that poor primary school boy. How cute is that?

—————————————————————–

Anyway I just got my own domain and host. Nothing is up yet, but if you want to take a look at that one line “Hello! This site is still in construction!”, you can go to here:

www.chipnchic.com

and you can email me at chip@chipnchic.com.

I know is easy to have your own domain in this technology advanced world but I still feel happy having my own domain and my own email. Is not some random @google.com email ok. is @chipnchic.com. and why chipnchic? because I can’t think of any better name for it. And it sounds cool. Sorry I am superficial like that.

I know there is so many things to 吐槽 in this post. but whatever.

relationships in this facebook dominated world.

I feel so upset right now.

Just now at the briefing, I met this nice girl. She was bubbly and fun to talk to.

Then she gave me her screen name for her facebook. And I told her, rather, I promise her I will add her.

And now that I am on facebook.

I cant find her AT ALL.

Most likely she had set her privacy setting tight.

Now I will seem like a total bitchy hypocrite.

Why didn’t I give her my facebook as well?

oh. god.

 

Hate timezone difference.

“Sorry but I will be leaving for London this Saturday afternoon and will only be back to France on Wednesday”

“Can we make it earlier? Because I will be going to America (most likely New York again) on Tuesday”

“Can we have the discussion at Vancouver’s afternoon instead?”

A person out of context will think that the above conversation is among a group of posh glamorous coolio preppy rich kids. Sorry to disappoint, but it comes from a group of loser college slum who study useless subjects and one of them is going to be a hobo without job and school in one day’s time.

Why is it so difficult to just have an online session???

 

Sometimes abandoned ideas are the greatest.

Now that I am writing my report, I found this gem among all the superficial shit that I have done.

Introducing Mr. Gloomy. He was an abandoned idea right at the beginning, the very very beginning of the project. That shows why is he is gloomy.

I feel like starting a four panel comic for him.

Is the first time I feel true respect for someone.

I dont understand why is Nat Ho (actually i didn’t even know him. seriously.) complaining and whinning at all the negative comments. Just because he pour in money and effort must he automatically get praises? Being in the show biz should have taught him that there will always be criticism. If he can’t take it, then dont play the game. 

Ok maybe I am being harsh here but, looking at my junior Jonathan Mak i.e. the guy who did the steve jobbs tribute design, i really dont see why Nat Ho should be whining. 

(in case you dont know the steve jobbs tribute design, here:

yes. He became famous overnight when the design went viral. And as he become famous overnight, obviously people start criticizing him. People accusing him of copying, people mocking at his dress sense, people laughing at his hair, people doubting his talent, people just say all the worst things they can about him. And I know. Because i heard these myself. And initially my reaction was also skeptical. Like, “meh whatever he is just overrated.”

But after being in the same class with him for kinetic typography, I took back all my prejudice against him. I even feel ashamed for my untrue judgements. Because this is the first time in my life I saw for myself a person who truely, deeply, to the point of obsession, loves the things he does. He was 100%+100% enthusiastic for all the classes he attend. And mind you, i attended classes with him AFTER he was famous. But the fame didn’t get into his head at all. because that was not even his goal in the first place. He didn’t skip ANY of the class (which, unlike me.) and for all the assignments he put in SO much effort. And he genuinely discuss and explore design with his friends, who also, are super talented and also super sincere about the works they do. (seriously, i dont understand why the years 2 are so amazing. they are like this super positive energy jumping out of hot blooded shounen manga. They seriously embody the Friendship! Hardwork! Victory! spirit) and he didnt whine when he met difficulties. He really, like what we always crap in reports, took it as a challenge and solve it. And when you see such a burning humble bright spirit, you really cant doubt any of his works. Or say anything bad about him. Or even be jealous. Because what he gets is really what he deserves. and recently coca cola actually asked him to do an ad poster.

I think we really cant accuse him for copying or just being lucky anymore. Because what he delivers is not by chance. Is really his talent. Or rather, his passion. 

If Nat Oh truely loves singing like he says, he wouldn’t care about all the complaints and criticism. Because he would be enjoying the process so much and got so much from singing itself.Praises and stuff will only be the by product. Is something sweet, but is not the main point.

So Nat Oh, is either you do another video and another video and another video to prove us wrong, or keep whining. 

Feel. It is all about the feeling. Yet I can’t feel at all.

Let me tell you what is retarded. Retarded is finding out you have a chinese exam at 9.30a.m in the morning only 5 mins before it starts when you are are about to get out of the house to  掃墓  so you changed your plans say sorry to your grandma and  rush down to the exam venue being 15 mins late and not able to finish the mcq and wrote crap for the essay and not able to finish the 應用文. Seriously, the essay i wrote is crap. the topic  快熟面式愛情. and I wrote down sentences like“ 愛本來就包含面對一切的勇氣。”  ”快熟面式愛情只是我們性慾的表現。它將人類細＿＿（overhere i forogot how to write the word 膩so i left it blank) 的情感與關係簡單化。and I kept repeating the same point, for over 800 words. Please applaud me. 800 words essay of  blank cheesy sentences. in super ugly handwriting. I don’t know why, but when I write in chinese, i seem to be not able to go argumentative (not that I am good in that in english either) and start to be all emotional and cheesy and gay. I cant rationalise societal problems in chinese. I will go all abstract and wooly and touchy and blank (*note. BLANK) Oh god.

Well, good thing that as long as I appear for the exam, it will be fine. and it wont appear on my transcript. If not I seriously want to cry. Actually I don’t even know why these language exams exist anyway. Is like OMG YOU MUST BE ABLE TO WRITE IN CHINESE AND ENGLISH  AND SPEAK IN FLUENT ENGLISH AND MANDARIN THEN YOU CAN SURVIVE IN THIS WORKING WORLD. I see my dad. After 20 years of doing business in china, his mandarin is still so incomprehensible. so is his english. oh in fact cantonese.  In fact, his communication skills is so bad that sometimes i wonder how he do business but apparently is ok. And seriously, what they test in language examinations, is never used in real life. Like the other day i took the IELTS test, the listening audio, they speak so clearly. “How is your day? I am fine thank you.” Who the hell speak like that in reality. when I was in england and all i hear was “OH FUCKFUCKYOUBLOODYHELL FUCKINGWICKED FUCK. OHBLOODYFUCK.”  and they will slang all the words together into one whole compound word which is so difficult to hear. True story. Examination language and real world language, two different side of the story.

Anyway I think the main reason for me to forget about an exam, which i normally wouldn’t, is because I am totally burn out from fyp. Ok I finally submitted the final deliverables. though i still have to present on next wednesday and hand in a report on next friday, i submitted the final deliverables on friday. and let me tell you what. Is the first time, in my entire life, I feel like burning and deleting every single thing i have done in the past 1 year. I feel disgusted looking at it. is damn bloody disgusting. Is cute and bubbly and empty and childish and disgusting and disgusting and disgusting and disgusting. Is like what the hell is this? Why is it so no soul and heart? why is it so superficial? what the fuck is this. is just very eye catching and that is all. is just on the bloody surface. I see no depth. I see no after thoughts. I see something that tries so hard to be something but in the end is just nothing. And being cute is not a problem. Because you can be cute and still have depth. Like, moomin. Is cute. it has depth. What I have bloody churn out, is just an imitation of all the cutesy you can find in this entire world lump together to become the most empty piece of shit ever. Is damn revolting. Is as revolting as the ponponpon mv.

(in case you dont know what is the ponponpon mv, this is the video:

Oh a better example will be is as revolting as the Nat Ho Mv.

And at least for both ponponpon and Nat Ho MV it is still some how aesthetically appealing, for my project, NO. IT IS NOT EVEN AESTHETICALLY APPEALING. I dont know what is it. Just call it a piece of shit ok. A piece of shit. I feel so upset because after three years all i can produce is only something as empty as this. And compare to some of my year 1 projects, I totally prefer my year one projects. Yes technically they are not very refined (not that i am technically very refined now), at least they have some originality and soul. Something surprising. and fun. and unique. that when polished will shine like at diamond. This, FYP, is just like those fake gem stones. looks good on the outside, totally, 100%, empty on the inside. and so much for brining ‘happiness’ to people. I feel so devastated and depress from this whole project. I feel so angry at myself because it seems like I keep running and running and in the end I just ended up on the same spot.

Which for some reason, I am reminded of a very very short convo I had with my supervisor once when i was doing part time for a kid’s art project. He used to be a graphic designer. but after a while he quitted and become an art teacher instead, sharing a studio with his friend to produce some self projects occasionally. he told me, with a very 無奈 face, “Graphic design? Is just dumping shit here and there and all over the place.” At that point of time I was sort of taken back at the rather crude conclusion. But now I sort of understand. Because in a way, is just rearranging elements on a layout, the dots lines shapes, putting them all over the place, see which one suits the best, then tada you give it to your client. then I roughly recall my tutor saying the same thing also, “you may get bored eventually, because you will just find that it is placing elements here and there.”  Ok ok i know there is more to it but, in a way that is sort of like it? especially when you have limited time. When you have limited time and you can’t think properly, or rather FEEL properly, you just end up placing elements here and there. which result in soulless empty imitations of all the better works out there.

Which now makes me worried and anxious and depress and whatever about my work life in the next few years. Because I think what I have felt during fyp, the sick feeling that I DONT WANT to do it anymore (which have never, ever, happened in my entire life until now), will happen more and more frequent, or rather, haunt me like a ghost. And this is not what I want. I know is very childish and naive to say but, I want to do things in my own pace? not be rushed and rushed and churn out thousands of things which i hate. Maybe only through churning thousands of things which i hate I will eventually know which is the one thing which i like. and maybe through churning thousands of things which i hate I will eventually gain the reputation and freedom to do the one thing which I like. I dont know. But will i ever reach that stage? Or will i burn away my passion and give up. Or become a churning machine without soul. Will I be able to keep my likes, and keep going, to work till the day I am able to come up with something I am satisfy with.

I DONT KNOW. All i know, that this fyp experience, is the worse experience I ever have in my so called “creative experience”. And it is scaring the shit out of me.

Why.

I finished animating. now I need to do the  sound. and i still have a website to do. But yet i spent 45 mins just now reading peace maker. Peace maker is making me sad. Is quite a cruel manga. Because from history, we know that at the end everyone will die. Yet at each chapter I get to know the characters the more and slowly I get attached to them. But in the end is just all a build up towards their death. When okita start coughing up blood I feel so upset. Why must such a fine lady suffers such fate. why. But the death of Yamanami was one that was really really really heart breaking. WHY. He just wanted a normal life with his loved ones. He just wanted stand by moral standards. He just saw the truth. But why. Why must he be tied down by nonsensical rules set up by disgusting hijikata who only know how to wreck people’s life with his schemes. Why must such a nice man die because of the insecurity caused by disgusting hijikata. Why must he die even though at the end he just wanted to wake hijikata up from his wrong doings. WHY. WHY YOU TELL ME WHY. Why must such a nice man die? because he lived in a time of turmoil whereby moral standards doesn’t apply anymore? because survival is more important than anything else? Why is history so cruel? Why.

Why.