Right now I am in a blissful contemplative mood. Maybe the lack of sleep made me reach another level of conscious mind. I don’t know. But whatever is it, though my eyes are tired, my brain is in the clearest state ever. and I am not feeling sad or depress or nervous. Instead, I feel blissful. I feel at ease and at peace. I feel contentment. Just by observing people, listening to how the little girl called her maid “姊姊“ lovingly, or seeing how a younger sister rush up to her chubby brother in a smile ,makes me happy.
I only have roughly two more weeks to the end of my entire schooling life. It is going to be a new chapter. and every time when I am at a check point in life, I tend to look back at the steps I have taken. Is sort of like a mental closure. And though as much as i have whined and cried and felt so insecure in this past 3 years, is actually, not that bad after all. I actually have to thank Tatami Galaxy for this realization or enlightenment as you may call.
Anyway let me side track a bit first. It has been a LONNGGGG while since I last came across a series like this. In a way it is sort of life changing, because it totally point to me another way to look at things. It impacted me. and the impact is not those flashy high squeals. It is a low deep voice that resonates with your heart. and I won’t call it an anime.
There is a difference between cartoon, anime and animation (well for me there is). Cartoon is for kids. They are happy and light that doesn’t give you any burden to watch. Like, Powerpuff girls is a cartoon. Pokemon is a cartoon. Lion King is a cartoon. Anime is a guilty pleasure. They are flashy and fun and makes me indulge in the dark realms of fandoms fantasies. Gintama is an anime. Lucky star is an anime. Hunter X Hunter is an anime. Animation is nutrient for mind and soul. They are well made, some are even considered art. They make me think, feel and experiences the possibilities of life. Up is an animation. Spirited away is an animation. Tatami Galaxy is an animation.
Anyway Tatami Galaxy is so ingenious. It is so well thought out. Every little thing that happen in each episode are threads that lead to the grand finale. not a second is wasted in all 11 episodes. Really. Everything mattered. Just the way life is. and it really had the best ending song. EVER. It is god-like. And it is not only god-like in the aesthetic sense, it is god-like in a conceptual manner too. I shall not elaborate more because it will spoil the fun for those who want to watch. It is just pure genius.
and Tatami galaxy really made me rethink my whole university life and made me feel less depress and upset about. If secondary days is the time to formulate your own thoughts and stuff, university days is the time to mature it. I mean, when you are 16 you will try all different sort of things and crazy stuff to be ‘different’. You tend to fall into stereotypes and cliques, because you are trying to find your place of belonging. Is a wonderful time really, because you are a blank canvas and you have all the freedom to paint whatever colours you want on it. And even though fapnote showed me that teenage life may not be all rosy and stuff, I would really regard it as a golden age. I was happy. I had so much happy memories about it. and I was the king of my own world
But when you enter university, you sort of become more or less settled as a person. You sort of start to know what you like, and what you don’t like. And this is when you start to face reality. To get out of your own tiny space and see how you actually fits into the real world. And this, is really the depressing part. Because this is when you become aware how ‘insignificant’ you actually are. You are overwhelmed by the possibilities and larger-than-life state of this world. There are so many people out there. Same as you. Better than you. And you are not that unique after all. And your childish dreams are tested. You are tested. Though painful, this stage of doubt is essential if you think about it. If you are able to go through it and resolve all your inner conflicts, you become more confident as a person. You more certain of your ambition. and this time dreams mature from an imagination to an true aim. I am not sure if i have reach that level of certainty, but I think I am on track.
And to me the best part of university life was really to interact with people. Yes is a pain in the ass. Is the time you actually have to talk to people who are SO different from you. Cliques don’t really exist in universities if you ask me. People are not separated into different classes of people that are mutually exclusive. In university, it is very possible for an Anarchy-in-the-state Rocker, a Life-is-a-plan Salary Man, a Friendly-girl-next-door and an Otaku-at-heart to sit together to have a meal. Because that just happened today. You are scared, worried, anxious, whatever. At times there seem to be a break of communication. and that is frustrating. and worrying. Well is definitely more comfortable to talk to your family and friends, people who knows what you think and think the way you think, but interacting with people so different from you open you up to a whole new way of seeing things. and is stimulating. You become aware of things you never knew previously, and you notice how somethings are universal. And there are sparks in this conversations. It is also in university when you meet the weirdest sort of people. Though nerve wrecking, is sort of inspring really. I mean, just by observing others is already so interesting.
And because you begin interacting with so many other people, you start to treasure your closed ones more. You begin to see more value and greatness in them. You understand that to know people on the same channel as you is a blessing. And it is really in university that I deepened many of my friendships. Separation didn’t tear us apart. It bond us closer than ever.
And I like the hobo spirit of university life. Is the time to eat cup noodles everyday, sleep at 6 and wake at 3, get out for a walk spontaneously, watch a movie alone, indulge in whatever you want to indulge in. Because is the freest period of your life. By law you are legal to do all sort of things, there are limited rules in school and home, and you are not burden with much responsibilities. Is the time to be 任性. To spiral as low as you can. (ok there are still moral limits)
I don’t think my tears during these 3 years are wasted. They made me come to certain actualization. And I treasure it.
Ok now is time to go back to animating. And I am glad that I am actually enjoying what I am doing now. Maybe because i have moved from not knowing a shit about flash to being able to animate some legs and joints. you know, the sense of achievement. Like once you go over the hurdle you can speed up and become faster.
Life is great right now. at this moment.