The last dose of Youth

I was having plans with my classmates for grad trip. They wanted to go europe, and I suggested eastern europe because eastern europe is exotic. Look at greek and prague and estonia. But eventually everyone else thinks that eastern europe is too dangerous. so in the end they are deciding on netherlands+Belgium+germany. Well that means that I am not going since I have been to these places before. Then Joanne wanted the states. but for some reason besides new york I have no urge to go anywhere else in america. I mean, maybe vegas. but, that is all. Because the image I have of america is bascially Walmart and highways. yar maybe I am a noob I am wrong but, that is really the image I have. and new york is so expensive. I always think that new york is like some place you go when you work after a few years and you have a bit of money. Is a place you go when you are nearing 30 or pass 30, not a place to go when you are in the early 20s.

Grad trip is symbolic. Is like your last taste of youth. And I dont want to spend that in H&M and subways. Grad trip should not be a luxury trip. I want to spend my last days of youth doing youthful stupid things, like, cycling on the road. Going to the beach. Eating cheap street food. Running in the sun. Sweating mad as hell. Screaming at the top of the mountain. Sleeping in railway stations. Riding horses in the open fields. Dancing in the rain. Camping in the wild. Seeing the galaxy. chasing sheeps and cows…

So, I will very much want to stay in Asia for my grad trip. I don’t mind exploring rural china. I don’t mind having an adventure in angkor wat. And I definitely don’t mind cycling on the road in Taiwan. Actually in fact, I kind of want to have my grad trip in Taiwan. Yes i have been to taipei, but i have yet to see 台南 and 台中. I have yet to go 墾丁. I want the beach. the mountain and the sea. And I really really really want to have a cycling trip. If I don’t do these things now, I will never do them. I will be too old and too drained to appreciate the sweat and tears.

And yes. To the three of you. Fellow slacker club members. remember our slacker club trip? remember???? Remember 3 years ago I opened a facebook group for a slacker club trip??? Can we go this summer? can we enjoy the last taste of youth this summer? Can I spend my last summer vacation with you guys???

 

Everyone has ups and downs in life.

Is sad that even though I am studying design, but my brain is not wired in the visual way.

Yes I can grasp concepts and theories quite easily. No problem. Lots of ideas up in the mind. But when you ask me to think with my eyes, problems come in.

It is seriously very very frustrating that you just cant seems to put together the “feel”. Like you know among a bunch of styles and visuals, some people can just pick and match things with ease? they can see how that one degree angle of curve will affect the whole mood.

I can’t. I can’t spot those things out. so that means I can only use the try and error and try and try again method. That means while others use 1 minute to do it, I have to use 1 day. you know many of my classmates keep saying “well 1 month to do visuals is more than enough”. But i clearly know, i definitely know, I can’t do that. and everytime I hear people saying ” i didn’t do anything for the week” “just slack” “whatever”, I really feel very defeated. Because I know if I slack and do other things, I will be so behind. because I need 10 zillion more time than people to just get the things right. and when I mean just, is just. don’t even bother talking about good.

My mum always tell me that 人貴自知. Must know our position, our strength, our weakness, where we should be, and don’t do things that is not your forte. she make sense. i mean, don’t overestimate yourself right. but after years of reading jump I just cant seems to accept that way of life anymore. If i dont overestimate myself, then how can i improve? If i dont keep on running, wont I be left behind? 我不甘願. Just because I am not born with the talent, just because whoever up there didn’t bless me, why can’t I make it happen? MYSELF? if i have to spend 10 hours to do what others take 1 minute, so be it. Just admit that I am stupid. And I am not talented. and I suck. so I need to do extra 10 hours. I don’t care. 既然我不是天才，那就讓我做一個努力家.

Recently I read a new series called AKB49. yes yes yes is moe. yes yes yes is a manga series to boost more popularity for AKB48. yes the plot is extremely stupid is about a guy who wanted to make the dreams of a girl come true so he crossed dress and join the AKB 48 audition with the girl and accidentally he was chosen as well. I know. I know is very gay. but for some weird unknown reason, it is a very encouraging story. I would say it is something like eyeshield, but idol moe version. When the girl told the father “yes papa you are right i may not  sing or dance, but I still want to carry my dream. It is my dream.” or when the tsundere rival character said “I want to be the center so I will learn ALL the dance moves and songs.” or when the protagonist continued the show even though he broke his leg, I felt so touched. I don’t know if the series is really good, or it is just the state of mind I am in now. But every single thing that they say, seems to be encouraging me to go on.

and I will. No. I must.

FROM NOW ON, I WILL DEFINITELY BELIEVE THAT THERE IS SOME SORT OF SUPERNATURAL FORCES UP THERE.

YES THANK YOU. I WILL NOT GO FACEBOOK AND TIEBA FOR A WEEK. I WILL SACRIFICE READING THE LATEST CHAPTER OF GINTAMA FOR A WEEK. THANKS ALLAH. THANKS BUDHHA. THANKS GUANYIN. THANKS GOD. THANKS WHOEVER UP THERE. I GOT THE LAST TICKET. THE VERY LAST TICKET. YESSSSSSSSSSS

 

Why only one day? why?

Dear Allah Buddha god guanyin whoever up there,

Please let me get the tickets. my mum and I have been calling/refreshing the page for the past one hour and nothing is happening. Please, please let us get it. if we can get it, I promise I will not facebook for a week. Please, I beg you. really. I will not facebook for a week. and I will not tieba for a week.

So please, let me get the tickets. Let me get the tickets. Let us get the tickets. Let us get the tickets.

Yours very very sincerely,

chip

PMS, the best excuse for illogical rant and argument.

At KFC today, I saw a menu for student. Being a cheapskate, naturally I will want to check it out. The counter auntie noticed it, and immediately she responded.

Obnoxious discriminating auntie: These meals are only for STUDENTS. Wearing a UNIFORM (At this moment I was kind of like disappointed) or have a STUDENT CARD.(Yes she really stressed those words)

me: Oh I have a student card.

Obnoxious discriminating auntie: *eyeing me with disbelief* Well, you will have to SHOW ME.

me: SURE. *flash my student card*

Obnoxious discriminating auntie: * scrutinize my student card, making sure that it is not fake or dated or borrowed from someone*…. ok. $28. *still eyeing me with disbelief*

Well, just because  my hair is in a atrocious brownish-i-dont-know-what colour and I am eating at KFC during normal school/work time, doesn’t mean that  I am some sort of jobless hobo who cheat for student meals. I have integrity and honesty one ok. I stil l remember my  誠信勇忠.

anyway this is not the first time I face this kind of thing already. The other time when I was going for the sunrise talk, I met my neighbour. Oh they family has a very cute daughter. since it was 8.00a.m early in the morning and people of my age usually doesn’t appear so early on an weekend, naturally the mum will use this as a conversation starter:

Mum: Oh my you are going to work on a weekend?

Me: No. I am not working.

Mum: wow you are going out to play so early??

Me: I am going for a talk

Mum: OH YOU ARE STILL SCHOOLING????

Yes. she said that in disbelief. She really said that in disbelief.

And is not that I look old or something. Because everytime when the surveyors try to pounce on me they will still naturally ask me if I am below 20.

So it just means that society thinks that I am a hobo. a jobless rebellious problematic teen. Seriously, it is very irritating that every time I go home late because of school, people will ask me if I am out playing. Hello? Which part of me look like I am playing? cant you see the STRESS IN MY EYES??? Cant you freaking see that I am figuring out a sitemap in my mind NOW????? It makes me very pissed. Like super.

Oh well I sound like a contradictory whiny elitist here. Oh god. Why. Why am i acting so elitist when I am actually so stupid.

oh why am i slashing myself.

It has to be PMS then.

If you don’t watch anime or read manga, you can really really really skip this post. You will be bored to death. I have warned you.

SInce I have already procrastinated for 3 hours ( I know I suck) let me procrastinate more.

Just saw vina’s list of relationships with manga/anime series, and I feel like counting mine too. But of course, I doubt I can write a proper paragraph each for each series because you know how bad I am at expressing and I may just end up with things like “OMG MOTHER OF GOD.” But still, Let’s begin

Shoujo

Sailor moon

Seriously, without sailormoon, there wont be the me today. She totally opened me up to the route to otakudom. And she was the one who made me ended up in design. (She was the one who made me pick up a pencil to draw. Of course, now that I know design is not drawing, but, well, that is another story and a complicated one.)  She changed my life. When I was still young she was really that perfect pretty girl. But now when I looked back, I realised, she was actually quite screwed up. In a lot of ways. I doubt I will like her if I have dated her now. But still, she is irreplaceable.

Cardcaptor sakura

She was the one who pulled me back into journey of otakudom. During the first 5 years in singapore, I really didn’t get in touch of any thing related to ACG. Really. Nothing. There were no manga stores around my house and no anime showing on TV everyday. and then she appeared. One fine Saturday afternoon. Do you know how I feel when I saw her? Is like seeing a long lost friend. and I fell in love with her immediately. Madly in love. but it was very irrational. Because there were many things about her which I hate, the drawing style, the weird BL, the pedophiliac intentions, a lot. So many things that my young mind couldn’t take. But she was the only one around then. The only one. Well, I really don’t know I love her, or I hate her. But you get what I mean.

Nana

Omg where should I start. She is so dramatic and every time when I am with her I feel like I am in an emotional rollar coaster. And I will be so worked up about the terrible things that happened to her that I will start hugging her and scream NOOOOOOOoooooo WHY IS THE WORLD SO UNFAIR TO YOU!!! But when I cool down, or when I am away from her, all logical and sane, I will be like, “dafuq?” Seriously, all the pain she goes through, is self-inflicted. She can totally live a happy life but she must be so self-destructive. After after realizing that, I will feel so angry.

Paradise kiss

We only dated for a day or so. and seriously, it was the worst date ever. I feel like punching her. really. punching her, right in her face. I don’t understand why she is so popular but I feel angry just by the mention of her name.

Kimi ni todake 

She is just … so sweet. OMG. She is just so sweet. I know she is plain. Indeed very plain. But for some reason when you get to know her you will realise what a really sweet girl she is. and she is so refreshing. She is like the breeze on a spring day. She is the girl next door that you can never hate. at the same time she is so sensitive. How can anyone hate such a sweet, sensitive girl?

Alice Gakuen

Oh she is a funny girl gone wtf. Seriously, when I first dated her I thought she was cute, light hearted and funny. but in the middle for no reason she started to go wtf. Wtf is really the best thing to describe her now. She wanted to be dramatic like nana and huge like one piece AT THE SAME TIME. I dont understand her emotions, I don’t understand her intentions, I don’t understand her actions. i just don’t understand her at all. I feel like dumping her but since is her last act I may just as well finish it to give the relationship a proper end.

Glass Mask

She is an old lady. Her fashion sense and world view is so old-fashioned. But for some reason, you just can’t resist her. She puts you on an emotional rollar coaster, but you wont feel angry at her like the way you will feel at Nana. and should I tell you beneath her demure romantic surface is a burning hot-blooded heart. She is the most hot-blooded lady I have ever seen.

Shounen

One piece

He is god. Omg. No doubt. After 9 years, he still manages to interest me. He is a pure genius. Well recently he is in a slump, but I can tell that he is picking himself up again. He is the one who made me tear. And he is the one who gave me dreams. He is the one who tells me that I can be anything. He is the most inspirational guy I have ever met. and all I can say is thank you. Without him, I wouldn’t have chosen the path I am in today. He is just as irreplaceable as sailor moon. He changes my life.

Bleach

Oh he is like Alice Gokuen.  A hot guy turned hobo. We had good times, but seriously, he gave me so much false hope. He promised me SOOOO many things, but he either forgets about them, or do them in such a sloppy way. And I don’t understand his actions and words now a days. They are so minimalist to the point that  I have no idea what he is trying to say. and I cant understand why he is still around. He should just leave the stage in honor, rather than hang around in the backdrop struggling to catch the attention of others like a sad dog. Well, but he recently promised that this will be his last act. Please do it properly, and let things end in a blast.

Full Metal Alchemist

He is an intellectual guy who gave me valuable philosophy lessons. He made me think. He showed me the sad contradictions in life. He told me that life has no easy answer. He influenced many of my world-views. But sometimes he is kind of naggy. A little too naggy and righteous in fact and it puts me off a little. But I will still meet him up once in a while whenever I needed some kind of enlightenment.

Gintama

He is a big fat madao. But he is the sinner who who took my soul away. He is the one who throw me down into the otakudoom. He is the one who made me procrastinate and spend times of forums which I thought I would never do. He made me lazy. He is a very bad influence. But he is just too funny and charming. In an unexplainable and weird way. and every now and then he will do gestures that makes me want to cry. I can’t believe that when I first met him I actually despise him and his low class manners. But now, omg. He is the first one that makes me want to spend on him. Why, can anyone tell me why am I so mesmerize by him despite of his lack of looks and manners and content?

Death Note

Recently I am meeting up with him again and omg. I didn’t realise he is actually a comedian. HE IS SO FUNNY. All his “serious and intelligent” dialogues are in fact jokes. They are all jokes. My impression of him changed 180 degrees. and that makes me like him more. I am not sure why I see him so differently now. Is either gintama changed my sense of humour, or it was actually an intention of his. I mean, epic potate chip eating is really too epic to not laugh. And on a side note, I like Light more than L now. Because he is so much more retarded than L. L eccentricity can no longer charm me, but Light’s 中二 plans and evil laugh are too funny to resist.

And others 

Saiyuki

I am not sure if he is a shoujo material or a shounen material, so let me just put him here.

But first, I must say: He is special. Yes. He is really very special. I don’t understand why, but he just sticks with me. Maybe is his looks, or his emo personality, but I just like him.  Is a different kind of love from One piece or gintama. Is like… his smell just lingers around? Though he is such a melancholic person, I don’t hate him. He is those type of guys who is very quiet and low profile, but you can just spot him immediately in a crowd because there is just this aura around him.  And many things that he said just stick in my head. Like this line:

吃的饱饱随时随地都在玩，愤怒、哭泣、欢笑，活下去，活下去，活下去。

Just hope he comes back. I am missing him.

Lucky Star

She is very normal looking, to the point that you wonder why she is an anime. But there is just this eccentricity around her that is so charming.  she is someone you can find when you are bored or when you want a good laugh. I think one valuable point about her is that she can express and describe the small daily experience so vividly that it becomes interesting. She gives you a fresh view into daily routine or habits. She is just like me. and I think this is the special sentiment that I share with her. and oh, she is such an otaku.

Neon Genesis Evangelion

I don’t know if I like him, or I hate him. I mean, half the time I don’t know what he is saying, but he just seems so deep. but he somehow managed to create many many atmospheric moments that I will remember. and he horrified me so many times with his violence and sexual reference. He is just… very controversial. and depressing.

Keroro

He is cute. He is like that bubbly small boy boy that makes you laugh at his naivety. but at moments you wonder if he is actually a horny guy in disguise. But well, for some reason our dates just get more and more boring as times go by. Is like, he just keep repeating his tricks and gags. and slowly he just faded out of my life.

Higurashi Naku Koro Ni

He is so violent. and scary. He made me have nightmares ok. and I dated him by mistake. he looked like another lucky star but he is actually a psychotic killer. Omg the finger nail pulling scene. Oh god. Kind of scarred me for life. But the way he tell his story is so intriguing. He doesn’t do it in a linear form. Rather, he tells them across parallel universe. and all these disjointed fragmented stories managed to flow and converge to a single exciting and heart racing point. Oh not to forget, he is actually quite a 正直 and optimistic person. As in, he got his moral values correct. and he is actually very encouraging. I know that sounds weird, but he is just such a weird guy.

… I cannot believe I have procrastinated for SO LONG. Oh god. oh my god.

Well, I shall, do my english assignment now. (yes I have english assignments. writing design proposal. god.)

 

My working- music listening habits. (Which doesn’t really matter you. so you can skip this.)

Listening to songs keep you awake and help u stay focus. and I have developed a habit of only looping ONE SONG so that I will not be distracted by the sudden change of voice and melody and tune and so on. Like you know, my playlist is a so incoherent. on one hand I have smoothing spanish guitars piece on the other I have bad romance. so. is better to loop only one song.

and I loop non-english and chinese songs. to avoid distraction. Dont you tend to listen for lyrics when you hear songs of your language? When I do that I will go all contemplative and stuff.  if it is jap or korean, i understand shit and it will just be nice sounding noise at the background.

and it better be fast paced songs. Because personally i like fast songs. and it will make me stress and think faster.

True love is not a myth.

so valentines day is officially over!

The one happy news I have heard is that my classmate is getting married soon. With her boyfriend since Form 6? or 7. And is not a short gun marriage. they have been planning about it since last year I think. and what is even more heartwarming about this marriage, is that her boy friend, is actually, erm, quite mean to say, quite older than her and he is … not handsome. *cough* you know what I mean.

Seriously. is a open silent criticism that everyone has when they see the photos.

And she is a cute blubbly photographer who will only take pictures of pretty girls. She once said she will give discounts to clients who are prettier. and she will charge those who are ugly more. seriously.

so. this can only mean one thing.

Is true love.

Is not a love about looks. or income. (the guy is not like exceptionally rich. he is just a normal photo journalist in a magazine.) is true love. Ok maybe you will be suspecting about the guy’s bad intention or pedophiliac inclination, but, if he is really bad, they wont be together for so long. And every time she talks about him there will be sparks in her eyes. Like you know, her eyes REALLY sparkles.  Have you ever seen someone who sparkles when he or she talks about their girlfriends or boyfriends? She just looks so vibrant whenever she mentions him.

This got to be true love. And I am happy that someone I know has found true love.

 

 

Because I’m a warrior queen and I live passionately tonight.

To give up. is NOT an option. To fail, is NOT an option. To run away, is NOT an option. To stand still and freeze and do nothing, is NOT an option.

You can only move forward. Move girl MOVE

Hello I am a loser.

Please call me a loser. Because i think I am so stupid and I have no integrity.

I want to just fail so that I can start from ground zero and start building up things again. It is really very revolting, to be suck in the middle of a project that doesnt work at all. and each time you thought u saw light is actually a bunch of shit.

Seriously, this is worse than A’levels. I never want to give up for A’levels. But right now, I am on the verge of giving up. Yes. I am really thinking about it and considering it an option. What is wrong with me. When did I become so undetermined. and When did I become so lazy to think about stuff.